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Since becoming an ADHD coach I’ve learnt so much more about the student experience than I ever did as a teacher. This isn’t surprising if you take into account the pace of teaching and just how much is packed into a single day. However, stopping and listening has given me a different understanding.
In a 2025 Department for Education survey, almost 4 in 10 secondary school pupils did not report having an adult at school who often or always listened when they had something to say. This isn’t the fault of teachers of pastoral staff, it’s the reality of our schools when the demands on staff are high.
As part of my CPD training and coaching, I consider it to be a privilege and a responsibility to pass on what I learn every day so that schools have the chance to know what students don’t have the space to say and how just small adjustments can make a big impact.
It’s not all deliberate
Many clients who come to me are on report, on the brink of a managed move or are spending a lot of their time out of class or school. You might think it’s because of their inability to focus and sit still but the reality can be very different.
Take Will a Year 7 who has only been in secondary school for half a term. He reacts impulsively towards his peers and some of the older boys by fighting back, if he’s pushed in the corridor, he’ll push back twice as hard. Deep down, he’s scared that if he doesn’t stand up for himself they’ll pick on him even more.
He also struggles with transitions in secondary. One minute, he’s settling into a lesson and getting used to his surroundings. The next, he’s whisked off to another lesson and the process starts again. Each teacher has different routines and expectations. He loses focus. Plans change without warning, which unsettles him. His peers seem to be coping, but he is dysregulated and blaming himself.
When he puts his head on the desk it’s to quieten his overwhelm; when he starts talking straight after instructions, he doesn’t understand them or is covering up how much he just doesn’t ‘get it’. The only way he can hang onto any self-esteem is through his friends. They laugh when he hides the teacher’s projector remote and stand in awe as he gets into conflict with teachers. Soon, this may be the only validation he receives.
It won’t be long before school sanctions are put in place: detentions, reports, isolation. The negativity will feed into his rejection sensitivity and he’ll conclude that everybody ‘hates him’.
So for Will, what’s the future?
Possibly he will make it through Year 7, maybe even Year 8, but when the hormones hit, what then? All too often, by Year 10, some are on the fringe of school society. Attendance dips. There may have been a failed managed move, he’s been switched off from learning since Year 7 so now nothing makes sense. He just wants to finish school, get away from the teachers and start earning money.
How it could be different?
The transition from primary to secondary is one of the biggest leaps for a neurodivergent child. Instead of one teacher and a TA, they are confronted by multiple teachers, a range of different rooms, homework, PE kits, tech equipment, timetables. The challenges to the executive function system are huge!
First, we must work closely with primary schools to make sure information is passed on. What are current coping strategies? How does support work in primary? Can pre-visits be arranged for neurodivergent students with parents so that parents become familiar with the expected routine? Can there be more opportunities to visit secondary and learn about the site, the timings etc?
Secondly, it’s easy to get lost in a sea of pupils, in a year group of 150. An effective pastoral system and tutors need time. All too often in tutor periods, the agenda is pre-set with admin and PSHEE demands. Bonding with a tutor group needs prioritising. It’s not ‘dead’ time; it’s essential.
Students benefit from having a safe person they can approach if things aren’t going well or they're just a bit lost. More often schools focus on punitive measures when things go wrong, instead of making sure that the system is multilayered and there to catch pupils if they fall.
Ultimately, what I’m suggesting is a more person-centred approach. Yes, the pace is frenetic and the pressures are intense. But in my experience, no sanction has ever had the same impact as someone showing kindness, care and a willingness to understand where the behaviour is coming from.
I speak from experience, as a parent, a teacher and as an ADHD coach. When I train others, we always discuss relationships, the power of praise and building trust. The more cynical might suggest that we actually just need stricter systems. I would argue that we need both. We need consistently applied behaviour policies AND a multi-layered support system. These two things can exist together. Consistent boundaries combined with patience and understanding are the magic formula.
In truth, being neurodivergent in 2026 is a lottery. Some, like my son, are lucky enough to benefit from firm boundaries with an unbelievably emotionally intelligent head of year as a mentor. Others may not be so lucky, like Will, who could stop attending in Year 10 and come to believe he is the problem.
What might we understand differently if we gave students more space to tell us?
Find out about my coaching and staff training.